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Home > Monty Python and the Holy...
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Monty Python and the Holy Grail Soundboard

Monty Python and the Holy Grail Soundboard

Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a legendary British comedy film that was released in 1975. It was written and performed by the renowned comedy group Monty Python, consisting of Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin. This comedic masterpiece quickly became a cult classic, known for its absurd humor, witty dialogue, and memorable characters.

Set in medieval England, Monty Python and the Holy Grail follows the comedic misadventures of King Arthur (played by Graham Chapman) and his Knights of the Round Table as they embark on a quest to find the Holy Grail. Along their journey, they encounter various obstacles and eccentric characters, leading to hilarious situations that push the boundaries of comedy.

The movie showcases the remarkable comedic talents of the Monty Python troupe, with each member playing multiple roles. John Cleese brilliantly portrays Sir Lancelot, a fearless yet somewhat clumsy knight, while Terry Gilliam brings to life the gruff and enigmatic character of Patsy, King Arthur's loyal servant. Eric Idle delivers a memorable performance as Sir Robin, a cowardly knight who nonetheless manages to sing amusing songs about his courage. Terry Jones impresses as Sir Bedevere, a knowledgeable knight with an affinity for herbal remedies, and Michael Palin charms as Sir Galahad, a noble knight with a knack for attracting women.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail's success lies in its ability to cleverly mix satire, slapstick humor, and intelligent comedy. It parodies the conventions of medieval literature and the Arthurian legend while simultaneously mocking numerous historical and social aspects of British society. With its iconic quotes, such as "It's just a flesh wound!" and "I fart in your general direction," the film has truly become a staple in comedy culture.

For fans of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, there is now an opportunity to relive the film's hilarious moments through sounds that can be played and downloaded. From the sound of coconut halves being banged together as the knights "ride" their invisible horses, to the uproarious singing of "Brave Sir Robin," these sounds will transport you back to the absurd world of Arthurian parody.

Whether you're a devoted fan of Monty Python or a newcomer to their brand of humor, Monty Python and the Holy Grail is a must-watch comedy classic. Its enduring popularity over the years proves that its wit and absurdity continue to captivate audiences of all ages. So sit back, relax, and prepare to join King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table on their unforgettable quest for the Holy Grail.

Play and download these sounds here and experience the hilarity firsthand.

A blessing from the lord
A blessing from the Lord!
A cave which no man has entered
A duck!
A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut
A newt
A path! a path!
A scratch your arm's off
A spanking!
A spanking! a spanking!
A what
A what a grail
A what?
A witch!
A witch!
A witch! a witch!
A witch! we found a witch we got a witch we found a witch
A year passed
Aaargh
Action!
Ah well actually I am a knight of the round table
Ah! but can you not also make bridges of stone
Ahhh!
All right
All right sonny that's enough pack that in
All right we'll call it a draw
All right! not biscuits but let's kill him anyway
All right! we'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits
Almighty god we thank thee that thou hast vouchsafed to us the most holy
Almighty God, we thank Thee...
Am I right
Amen
Amen (2)
Anarcho syndicalism is a way of preserving freedom
And after the spanking the oral sex the oral sex!
And again! over we go!
And don't apologize every time I talk to someone it's sorry this and forgive me that and i'm not worthy
And here in castle anthrax we have one punishment for setting alight the grail shaped beacon
And his nostrils ****d and his bottom burned off and his penis
And how'd you get that? By exploiting the workers.
And I feel sure that the merger the union between the princess and the brave but dangerous sir lancelot of camelot
And if you think you got a nasty taunting this time you ain't heard nothing yet stuffy english knights!
And make sure he doesn't leave
And my special guest here today
And no singing!
And now remain gone illegitimate faced bugger folk!
And sir robin the not quite so brave as sir lancelot
And Sir Robin the Not Quite So Brave As Sir Lancelot...
And so arthur and bedevere and sir robin set out on their search to find the enchanter of whom the old man had spoken in scene 24
And so we're looking for it yes we are we have been for some time ages
And st attila raised the hand grenade up on high saying
And that's what you're gonna get lad
And the aptly named sir not appearing in this film
And the aptly named, Sir Not Appearing In This Film.
And the grail the grail is there
And the holy grail returns to those whom god has chosen
And the lord did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloth's and carp and anchovies and orangutan's and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and
And the lord spake saying 'first shalt thou take out the holy pin '
And then spank me and spank me! and me and me
And there was much rejoicing
And therefore
And this enchanter of whom you speak he has seen the grail
And this is my trusty servant patsy
And this isn't my nose it's a false one
And we shall watch and pray
And we will return with a shrubbery one that looks nice and not too expensive
And what do you burn apart from witches more witches!
And who had personally wet himself at the battle of badon hill
And you clear off!
And you, clear off!
And you!
And you'll come and get him
Answer me these questions three #bridge #troll #answer my questions #i have questions
Answer Me These Questions Three #bridge of death #troll #stop
Anyway you've got bad breath
Apples
Are there what are they tell us do they hurt
Are under considerable economic stress at this period in history.
Are you from camelot
Are you saying ni to that old woman
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate
Are you sure he's got one
Are you sure that's absolutely necessary
Arthur arthur king of the britons
Arthur became convinced that a new strategy was required if the quest for the holy grail were to be brought to a successful conclusion
Arthur having consulted his closest knights decided that they should separate and search for the grail individually
Arthur king of the britons
Arthur! Arthur!
As the horrendous black beast lunged forward escape for arthur and his knights seemed hopeless
Ask me the questions bridge keeper i'm not afraid
Ask me the questions bridge keeper i'm not afraid (2)
At last! a call! a cry of distress!
At least ours was better visually
At least ours was committed it wasn't a string of pussy jokes
Away away varletesses!
Away, away, varletesses.
Back to your bed!
Back. Come on.
Bad bad zoot!
Bathing dressing undressing making exciting underwear
Be quiet!
Be quiet! (2)
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet
Bedevere my liege
Behold arthur this is the holy grail look well arthur for it is your sacred task to seek this grail
Behold the cave of caerbannog!
Behold the cave of Caerbannog.
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable
Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate clark gable
Beyond the forest they met lancelot and galahad and there was much rejoicing
Beyond the forest, they met Lancelot and Galahad...
Bloody peasant!
Bloody weather
Blue
Blue no! yellow!
Bones of full 50 men lie strewn about its lair
Brave brave brave brave sir robin
Brave concorde you shall not have died in vain!
Brave sir robin
Brave sir robin ran away no! bravely ran away away
Bravely bold sir robin rode forth from camelot
Bravely taking to his feet he beat a very brave retreat
Bravest of the brave
Bread
Bring her forward
Bring Out Your Dead #death #sick #virus #covid19 #coronavirus
Bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead! bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead! bring out your dead! bring out your dead!
Bring out your dead! bring out your dead! bring out your dead! (2)
Bring up the holy hand grenade
Brother maynard you're our scholar
Brother maynard!
Burn her anyway burn her!
Burn her! burn her!
Burn her! burn her! burn her!
But all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special biweekly meeting
But father
But father I don't want any of that
But I don't like her
But I don't want any of that i'd rather i'd rather just sing
But I don't want land
But I don't want to think i've lost a son so much as gained a daughter
But I don't want to think I've lost a son..
But i'm awfully sorry
But many times we're given rhymes that are quite unsingable
But many times we're given rhymes that are quite unsingable
But mother father lad
But now we're glad
But other illustrious names were soon to follow
But the fourth one stayed up
But the fourth one stayed up!
But the grail where is the grail
But then of course african swallows are non migratory so they couldn't bring a coconut anyway
But then, of course, African swallows are nonmigratory.
But there is one small problem
But they were still no nearer the grail
But you are tired and you must rest awhile
But you are tired, and you must rest a while.
By a civil majority in the case of internal affairs
By a two thirds majority in the case of
By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society!
By what name are you known
By what name are you known?
Camelot camelot camelot
Can you hang around a couple of minutes he won't be long
Certainly sir
Charge!
Charge! (2)
Cherries
Chicken! chicken!
Churches
Cider
Coconuts Migrate? #birds #no horse #carrying a coconut
Come come you must try to rest
Come here
Come on back! right back!
Come on concorde!
Come on put this man in the van
Come on then
Come on then (2)
Come on you pansy!
Come patsy
Come patsy (2)
Concorde speak to me!
Consult the book of armaments armaments 2 9 21
Course it's a good idea
Crapper!
Crikey!
Cut down a tree with a herring it can't be done
Cut off in this castle with no one to protect us.
Cut that out!
Cut that out! cut that out!
Cut your own head off yes do us all a favour
Decided that they should separate and search for the Grail individually.
Defeat at the castle seems to have utterly disheartened king arthur
Dennis forget about freedom don't drop that mud
Depart at this time and don't be approaching any more or we fire arrows in the tops of your heads and make castanets out of your testicles already
Did you dress her up like this
Did you kill all those guards
Did you say shrubberies?
Didn't know we had a king I thought we were an autonomous collective
Didn't mean to you put your sword right through his head!
Dismount!
Do you suppose he meant the camargue
Do you suppose he meant the Camargue?
Do you think this scene should have been cut
Do your worst!
Does it say anything else no just 'aaargh'
Does wood sink in water
Don't be afraid of him sir lancelot i've got a rope ready
Don't be such a baby
Don't it's like those miserable psalms they're so depressing
Don't like her what's wrong with her she's beautiful she's rich she's got huge tracts of land
Don't say that word
Don't! It's like those miserable psalms. They're so depressing.
Dr piglet!
Dr winston!
Dramatically sir dramatically
Escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless...
Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress at this period in history
Even those who arrange and design shrubberies...
Exactly
Excuse me could somebody give me a push please
Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes
Farewell sweet concorde!
Fetchez la vache! quoi fetchez la vache!
Fiends! i'll tear them apart
Fine I don't want to waste any more of your time but I don't suppose you could tell us where we might find a um
Firstly you must find another shrubbery!
Firstly, you must find another shrubbery
Five is right out
Follow! but follow only if ye be men of valour
For beyond the cave lies the gorge of eternal peril which no man has ever crossed
For since her own father who when he seemed about to recover suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him
For since the tragic death of her father
For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived
For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature...
Found them in mercia the coconut is tropical
Four shalt thou not count neither count thou two excepting that thou then proceed to three
Four with a coconut on a line between them
Frank!
French persons!
Gawain ector and bors that's five three three three
Get a blanket over that one
Get back
Get on with it
Get on with it!
Get on with it! (2)
Get on with it! (3)
Get stuffed
Go and boil your bottoms sons of a silly person
Go and boil your bottoms, sons of a silly person!
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by god with a sacred quest
Go on bors chop its head off
Go on clear off! go away
Go! quick!
God be praised
God be praised!
God be praised!
God be with you
Good
Good idea o lord!
Good luck brave sir lancelot
Good sir knight will you come with me to camelot and join us at the round table
Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to Camelot..
Good steady! and now the big one!
Got to go to the robinsons' they've lost nine today
Gravy
Greetings king arthur
Greetings tim the enchanter!
Guards!
Halt!
Halt!
Halt! who art thou
Halt! Who art thou?
Halt! who goes there
Hang on! hang on! hang on!
Have at you
Have at you!
Have we got bows
He did it again
He is brave sir robin brave sir robin
He is jacking it in and packing it up and sneaking away and buggering off and chickening out and pissing a pot yes bravely he is throwing in the sponge
He is sneaking away
He is the keeper of the bridge of death he asks each traveler five questions
He killed my auntie!
He knows of a cave a cave which no man has entered
He must have died while carving it
He must have died while carving it.
He said it again!
He says he's not dead yes he is i'm not! he isn't well he will be soon he's very ill
He says they've already got one!
He was not afraid to die
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways
He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp or to have his eyes gouged out and his elbows broken
He who answers the five questions three questions three questions may cross in safety
He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the holy grail in the castle of aaargh
He'll do you up a treat mate!
He's Already Got One #french #its very nice #already have one
He's already got one you see
He's buggered off! so he has! he's scarpered
He's come to rescue me father
He's died!
He's getting better!
He's going to tell he's going to tell he's going to tell he's going to tell
He's got huge sharp it can leap about
He's killed the best man!
He's killed the best man!
He's not quite dead!
He's not quite dead! (2)
Held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water...
Held under the dorsal guiding feathers
Hello
Hello (2)
Hello (3)
Hello I am zoot's identical twin sister dingo
Hello stuffy english knights and monsieur arthur king who has the brain of a duck you know
Hello who is it
Hello!
Hello! (2)
Hello! (3)
Hello.
Help i'm being repressed!
Here's one
Hey i've got a great idea
His head smashed in and his heart cut out and his liver removed and his bowels unplugged
History for schools take 8
Hold it please hold it
Hold it please!
Hold it. Hold it, please.
Holy Hand Grenade Instructions #count to 3 #five is right out #holy hand grenade
How can we not say the word if you don't tell us what it is
How dare you profane this place with your presence
How did you become king then
How do you do good lady
How do you know she is a witch she looks like one
How do you know so much about swallows
How do you know so much about swallows?
How does it uh how does it work
How many did we lose
How well i'll tell you
How you english say one more time I unclog my nose in your direction sons of a window dresser!
Hurry sir lancelot!
Hurry sir lancelot! hurry!
Hurry.
I am
I am (2)
I am an enchanter
I am arthur king of the britons
I am arthur king of the britons (2)
I am arthur king of the britons (3)
I am in the tall tower of swamp castle
I am invincible!
I am not a witch I am not a witch but you are dressed as one
I am ready!
I am ready! (2)
I am your king! I didn't vote for you
I bet you're gay
I blow my nose at you so called arthur king you and all your silly english knights
I burst my pimples at you and call your door opening request a silly thing!
I can tackle this lot single handed!
I can understand that
I can't
I can't just call you man
I can't take him
I can't take him like that it's against regulations
I cannot tell suffice to say it's one of the words the knights of ni cannot hear
I command you as king of the britons to stand aside
I command you in the name of the knights of camelot to open the doors of this sacred castle to which god himself has guided us
I did say sorry about the old woman but from behind you look
I didn't
I didn't know you were called dennis
I do
I don't know that!
I don't know that! (2)
I don't think I was
I don't think so
I don't want to go on the cart
I don't want to talk to you no more you empty headed animal food trough wiper
I fart in your general direction
I Fart in Your General Direction #fart #french #taunting
I Fart in Your General Direction #insult #your mom #your dad #monty python #fart
I feel fine
I feel happy I feel happy
I feel much better
I got better
I have been imprisoned by my father who wishes me to marry against my will please please come and rescue me
I have no quarrel with you good sir knight but I must cross this bridge
I have seen it I have seen
I have seen it. It is here.
I have seen the grail
I have to push the pram a lot
I knew someone would
I knew someone would I knew that somewhere out there there must be someone
I know but I want the girl that I marry to have a certain special something
I know not my liege
I mean if the birds were
I mean they were more than two laden swallows flights away
I mean to be so understanding
I move for no man
I must speak with your lord and master
I never!
I see
I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at camelot
I seek the grail
I seek the grail I have seen it here in this castle!
I shall make a feint to the north east
I soiled my armour I was so scared!
I think I could pull through sir
I think I could pull through, sir.
I think i'll go for a walk
I think i'm all right to come with you
I thought you meant him!
I told him we already got one.
I told him we've already got one
I told you we're an anarcho syndicalist commune
I understand my liege
I want his only daughter to look upon me as her own dad in a very real and legally binding sense
I want his only daughter to look upon me as her own dad...
I Warned You #i warned you #warned #warning #i told you #didnt listen #monty python #holy grail
I warned you but did you listen to me oh no you knew it all didn't you
I warned you!
I was looking for it here in this forest
I wave my private parts at your aunties
I will send help as soon as I have accomplished a daring and heroic rescue in my own particular idiom sir idiom!
I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen.
I'll bite your legs off!
I'll have your leg right!
I'll uh just stay here shall I sir yeah
I'm 37
I'm 37 i'm not old
I'm a knight of king arthur sir
I'm afraid not
I'm averting my eyes o lord
I'm french why do you think I have this outrageous accent you silly king
I'm getting better! no you're not you'll be stone dead in a moment
I'm Invincible #black night #arthur #delusional #invincible
I'm not dead!
I'm not dead! (2)
I'm Not Dead! #not dead yet #not dead #alive #still kicking #monty python #holy grail
I'm not interested
I'm not quite dead sir
I'm sir lancelot sir
I'm warning you
I'm your son
I've done it again
I've had worse
I've said it i've said it i've said it again!
Icky icky icky #knights who say #icky icky icky #shrubbery #knights who say nee
If he will give us food and shelter for the night he can join us in our quest for the holy grail
If I went around saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away!
If I went around saying I was an emperor...
If there's ever going to be any progress
If you do not agree to my commands then I shall
If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by force.
If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery my friend and I will say we will say ni
If you will not show us the grail we shall take your castle by force
If you will not show us the Grail, we shall take your castle by force.
If you'll not open this door we shall take this castle by force!
In france I think
In that case I have to kill you
In the frozen land of nador they were forced to eat robin's minstrels
In the frozen land of Nador..
In the name of god and the glory of our
In the name of god we shall not stop our fight till each one of you lies dead
In the name of the lord we demand entrance to this sacred castle!
In war we're tough and able
In war we're tough and able quite indefatigable
Is it
Is that clear
Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery
Is there someone else up there we could talk to
Isn't there a st aaargh's in cornwall
It could be carried by an african swallow oh yes! an african swallow maybe not a european swallow that's my point
It could grip it by the husk
It doesn't matter
It is a good shrubbery I like the laurels particularly
It is a lonely life
It is aramaic!
It is arthur king of the britons
It is I arthur son of uther pendragon from the castle of camelot
It is king arthur and these are my knights of the round table
It is the rabbit
It is the rabbit.
It reads 'here may be found the last words of joseph of arimathea '
It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one.
It's a busy life in camelot
It's a fair cop burn her!
It's a simple question of weight ratio
It's better than some previous scenes I think
It's going to cost me a fortune!
It's just a flesh wound #monty python #holy grail #flesh wound #black knight #marty python
It's my duty to sample as much peril as I can
It's not a question of where he grips it
It's not a question of where he grips it.
It's not the first time we've had this problem
It's not the real grail
It's one of the sacred relics brother maynard carries
It's only a model
It's quite simple.
It's the legendary black beast of aaargh!
Jesus Christ #jesus christ #holy shit #omg #holy hell #monty python and the holy grail #monty python
Jesus christ!
Jesus Christ!
Jesus christ! (2)
Jesus christ! (3)
Just a flesh wound
Just answer the five questions three questions three questions as best you can
Just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.
Just you
Keep running
Kill him
King of the britons defeater of the saxons
King of the who
Knight of the Round Table
Knights forward!
Knights I bid you welcome to your new home
Knights of ni we are but simple travelers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods
Knights of ni you are just and fair
Lancelot, Galahad and I..
Lancelot! lancelot! lancelot!
Lancelot! lancelot! lancelot! lancelot! lancelot! lancelot!
Lancelot?
Lead
Leaving the room yes
Let me have just a bit of peril
Let us ride to camelot!
Let us taunt it it may become so cross that it will make a mistake
Let's be nice to him
Let's not jump to conclusions
Like what
Listen alice herbert herbert
Listen in order to maintain air speed velocity a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second right
Listen lad I built this kingdom up from nothing
Listen strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government
Look at the bones!
Look can you tell us where
Look I have seen it it is here
Look i'm fine!
Look if he was dying he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaargh' he'd just say it
Look isn't there something you can do
Look it's quite simple you just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room all right
Look let me go back in there and face the peril
Look my liege
Look please in god's name show me the grail
Look stop that
Look that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide it's a killer!
Look the dead prince!
Look this cannot be I am sworn to chastity!
Look you stupid bastard you've got no arms left
Look you're a busy man
Look!
Look! (2)
Look! there's the old man from scene 24 what's he doing here
Looks like there's dirty work afoot
Make plain the last resting place of the most holy grail
Make plain the last resting place of the most Holy Grail.
Make sure he doesn't leave
Make sure he doesn't leave
Make sure the prince doesn't leave the room until I get him
May we go now
Meanwhile king arthur and sir bedevere not more than a swallows flight away had discovered something
Message for you sir
Midget!
Mind your own business
Mine is zoot just zoot
Morning morning
Mud
My god!
My liege
My liege I would be honored
My liege it's good to see you
My liege it's robin
My Liege, I would be honored!
My name is roger the shrubber I arrange design and sell shrubberies
My name is sir lancelot of camelot
Nay come you may lie here
Ni peng and neee wom!
Ni that's it you've got it
Ni!
Ni! (2)
Ni! ni! ni!
Ni! ni! ni! ni!
Ni! ni! ni! ni! (2)
Ni! ni! ni! ni! ni! ni!
Nice
Ninepence
Ninepence
Ninepence (2)
No
No aaargh at the back of the throat
No chance english bed wetting types
No far from it
No he isn't!
No I feel fine actually sir
No I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't leave
No I was saved at the last minute
No i'm not
No it floats
No it is far from this place
No it isn't
No it's not right for my idiom I must escape more
No it's not that it's ni
No it's nothing!
No it's too perilous
No it's unhealthy
No just keep him in here!
No no leaving the room
No no no no
No no please lie down
No no until I come and get him
No not anyone else just me
No not is! you wouldn't get very far in life not saying is
No not you
No now go away or I shall taunt you a second time
No on second thoughts let's not go to camelot it is a silly place
No one lives there
No one lives there
No ooh in surprise and alarm!
No please! this is supposed to be a happy occasion! let's not bicker and argue about who killed who
No really honestly I can handle this lot easily!
No sir galahad come!
No sweet concorde! stay here
No that's st ives
No they'd have to have it on a line
No we've got to find the holy grail come on
No you just keep him in here and make sure
No you stay in the room and make sure he doesn't leave
No you're not doing it properly
No, it's not right for my idiom. I must escape more...
No, no. "O o oh" in surprise and alarm.
No, no. Until I come and get him.
No, please, lie down
No, they'd have to have it on a line.
No! never no shrubberies
No! no no no! no!
No! not the knights who say ni
No! we have no shrubberies here
No. Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.
Nobody really I was just passing through
None shall pass
None shall pass (2)
None Shall Pass #black night #arthur #none shall pass #no entry
None shall pass #none shall pass #cant get through #denied #road block #monty python and the holy grail #monty python
Noo!
Noo! (2)
Not another shrubbery!
Not at all see you on thursday
Not at all they could be carried
Not biscuits
Not like that! not like that no! stop it!
Not only by surprise but totally unarmed!
Not to leave the room even if you come and get him
Nothing here's your ninepence
Nothing is sacred
Now go!
Now he's said the word!
Now knock it off!
Now listen in 20 minutes you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest tracts of open land in britain
Now look here my good man
Now stand aside worthy adversary
Now this is the main hall we'll have all this knocked through
Now this is what they did
Now this is your last chance i've been more than reasonable
O brave sir robin
O lord bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits in thy mercy
Of course
Of course it's a good idea!
Of course joseph of arimathea!
Of course not! you are english types
Oh anyway on to scene 24 which is a smashing scene with some lovely acting in which arthur discovers a vital clue
Oh bloody hell
Oh but come
Oh but we are nice and we will attend to your every every need!
Oh but you are wounded!
Oh come on!
Oh dear is he all right
Oh don't grovel if there's one thing I can't stand it's people grovelling
Oh fair one behold your humble servant sir lancelot of camelot I have come to take
Oh go and get a glass of water
Oh great
Oh hello
Oh I am enjoying this scene
Oh I don't
Oh I remember
Oh I See
Oh I see right
Oh i'm terribly sorry
Oh it's just a harmless little bunny isn't it
Oh king that's very nice how did you get that by exploiting the workers!
Oh knights of ni we have brought you your shrubbery
Oh no oh no!
Oh oh I see
Oh please
Oh quite clear no problems
Oh she is a bad person and must pay the penalty
Oh shit!
Oh shut up
Oh shut up!
Oh thank you thank you
Oh wacko
Oh what sad times are these when passing ruffians can say ni at will to old ladies
Oh wicked wicked zoot!
Oh yeah
Oh yeah I agree with that
Oh yes
Oh yes it's very nice
Oh yes of course!
Oh yes! we'll keep him in here obviously but if he had to leave
Oh you mean a sort of an ah!
Oh, thank you very much
Oh, what sad times are these when passing ruffians...
Oh, yes, of course. I thought you meant him.
Oh, yes! We'll keep him in here, obviously.
Oh, yes. Sorry
Oh! had enough eh
Oh! how do you do
Oh! i'm afraid our life must seem very dull and quiet compared to yours
Oh! thank you splendid!
Old crone!
Old man where does he live
Old woman! man! man sorry
Once the number three being the third number be reached then lobbest thou thy holy hand grenade of antioch towards thy foe who being naughty in my sight shall snuff it
One day lad all this will be yours what the curtains no not the curtains all that you can see stretched out over the hills and valleys of this land
One two five!
Only higher to get the two level effect with a path down the middle.
Ooh
Open the door!
Open the door! open the door! in the name of king arthur open the door!
Order who does he think he is
Oui oui allons y let's go
Our quest is at an end
Perhaps he was dictating it
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem (2)
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem (3)
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem (4)
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem (5)
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem (6)
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem (7)
Pie jesu domine dona eis requiem (8)
Please good people I am in haste
Please we are doctors
Please, please, please come and rescue me.
Please!
Please! no more!
Practice your art
Prepare a bed for our guest
Pull the other one
Put him in the van
Put that over there. That's an offensive weapon, that is.
Quick get the sword out I want to cut his head off!
Quick! you are in great peril
Quickly sir come this way!
Quiet! quiet!
Quite
Quite indefatigable
Right
Right
Right
Right (2)
Right (3)
Right (4)
Right (5)
Right (6)
Right (7)
Right keep me covered what with just keep me covered
Right off you go
Right oh if uh if we're
Right remove the supports!
Right silly little bleeder one rabbit stew coming right up
Right we'll stay here until you get back
Right! charge!
Right! i'll do you for that
Right! that settles it!
Right. Keep me covered.
Run away!
Run away! (2)
Run away! run away!
Running away you yellow bastard! come back here and take what's coming to you!
Seasons #monty python #holy grail #seasons #winter #spring #summer #autumn #four seasons
See the violence inherent in the system
See the violence inherent in the system!
Seek you the bridge of death
Shall i
She has been setting light to our beacon which i've just remembered is grail shaped
She has got a wart
She must pay the penalty
She must pay the penalty.
She's got a point
Shh!
Shrubberies are my trade I am a shrubber
Shut up and change your armour
Shut up!
Shut up! (2)
Shut up! (3)
Shut up! (4)
Shut up! (5)
Shut up! (6)
Shut up! (7)
Shut up! Nobody really
Shut up! will you shut up
Shut your noise you! and get that suit on
Silence foul temptress!
Simple they'd use a strand of creeper
Since the near fatal wounding of her father
Sir galahad of camelot
Sir galahad the chaste
Sir galahad the pure
Sir galahad!
Sir galahad! (2)
Sir I have a plan sir
Sir lancelot had saved sir galahad from almost certain temptation
Sir lancelot the brave
Sir Robin And the Bridge of Death #capital of assyria #bridge of death #ask me
Sir robin brave sir robin you go
Sir robin of camelot
Sir robin rode north through the dark forest of ewing accompanied by his favourite minstrels
Sir Robin rode north through the dark forest of Ewing...
Skip a bit brother
So anything you could do to uh help would be very helpful
So be it
So be it!
So brave knights if you do doubt your courage or your strength come no further for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth
So each of the knights went their separate ways
So how do we tell whether she is made of wood build a bridge out of her
So logically if she weighs the same as a duck she's made of wood
So much as gained a daughter.
So we french fellows outwit you a second time
So we have ridden since the snows of winter covered this land through the kingdom of mercia
So why do witches burn
So you think you could out clever us french folk with your silly knees bent running about advancing behaviour
Sorry
Sorry sorry see what I mean I just get carried away i'm really most awfully sorry sorry everyone
Sovereign of all England!
Sovereign of all england!
Spring changed into summer
Stand by for attack!
Stop
Stop bitching and let's go and have tea!
Stop saying the word! the word we cannot hear! oh stop it!
Stop that! stop that! stop it! stop it!
Stop that! stop that! stop that!
Stop that! stop that! you're not going into a song while i'm here!
Stop!
Stop! (2)
Stop! (3)
Stop! What is your name?
Suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him...
Summer changed back into winter and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn
Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses not from some farcical aquatic ceremony
Tell me what do you do with witches burn them!
Thank you sir most kind
Thanks very much
That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp!
That is our quest
That is why i'm your king!
That is your purpose arthur the quest for the holy grail
That my liege is how we know the earth to be banana shaped
That with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits...
That'll be your kingdom lad
That's an offensive weapon that is
That's an unladen swallows flight obviously
That's awfully nice of you
That's easy
That's it!
That's it! run away!
That's no ordinary rabbit that's the most foul cruel and bad tempered rodent you ever set eyes on
That's three its!
That's uh enough music for now lads
That's what i'm on about did you see him repressing me you saw it didn't you
That's what it says
That's what it's all about if only people
That's what's carved in the rock
The beds here are warm and soft and very very big
The black knight always triumphs
The bridge of death which leads to the grail
The Bridge of Death which leads to the Grail?
The britons
The cartoon peril was no more
The cartoon peril was no more.
The castle aaargh
The castle anthrax
The castle of aaargh
The ferocity of the french taunting took him completely by surprise
The grail it is here
The holy hand grenade of antioch
The knights of the round table
The Knights of the Round Table.
The Knights Who Say "Ni" #ni #annoying sounds
The Knights Who Say "Ni" demand a sacrifice.
The knights who say ni demand a sacrifice
The knights who say ni!
The lady of the lake her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by divine providence that I arthur was to carry excalibur
The last words ofJoseph of Arimathea.
The prince
The quest for the holy grail could continue
The quest for the Holy Grail could continue.
The same!
The strongest castle in these isles
The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the plover may seek warmer climes in winter yet these are not strangers to our land
The swallow may fly south with the sun..
The tale of sir galahad
The tale of sir lancelot
The tale of sir robin
The what
The wise sir bedevere was the first to join king arthur's knights
Then I dub you sir bedevere knight of the round table
Then shalt thou count to three no more no less
Then shalt thou count to three...
Then we'd best leave them here and carry on on foot
Then when you found the shrubbery you must bring it here beside this shrubbery only slightly higher so you get the two level effect with a path going down the middle
Then when you have found the shrubberies
Then who is your lord
Then you are cast into the gorge of eternal peril
Then you shall die
There
There are some who call me tim
There Are Some Who Call Me, Tim #holy grail #monty python #call me tim
There are some who call me..
There are ways of telling whether she is a witch
There are ways of telling whether she is a witch
There aren't any swallows but I think you can hear a
There he is!
There is a pestilence upon this land
There is much danger
There it is! the bridge of death
There you go bringing class into it again
There you go bringing class into it again.
There! look!
There's no grail here
There's nothing wrong with that
There's some lovely filth down here
Therefore we must give you a test
They cost 50 pounds each
They dressed me up like this
They're doctors
They're nervous sire
This could be the sign that leads us to the holy grail!
This is sir lancelot from the court of camelot a very brave and influential knight
This is Sir Lancelot from the court of Camelot.
This is the castle of my master guy de loimbard
This new learning amazes me sir bedevere
This one. Come on. Put him in the van
Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale
Three questions
Three shalt be the number thou shalt count and the number of the counting shalt be three
Three sir! three!
Throw her into the pond!
Thursday
Tis But A Scratch #black knight #arthur #denial #but a scratch
To fight and
To have his kneecaps split and his body burned away and his limbs all hacked and mangled
To the north there lies a cave the cave of caerbannog
To whoever finds this note
Today the blood of many a valiant knight shall be avenged
Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries
Too late there he is!
Torment me no longer
Towards thy foe...
Try to relax
Uh can he leave the room with us
Uh lancelot galahad and I leap out of the rabbit
Uh oh yes sorry
Uh they have a basic medical training yes
Uh very small rocks
Um look if we built this large wooden badger
Um oh! nothing nothing really just to pass through good sir knight
Um yes
Un cadeau what a present ah un cadeau!
Unfortunately one of them my son herbert has just fallen to his death
Until one day
Until you come and get him we're not to enter the room
Until you or anyone
Very good pig country
Very nice castle camelot
Very well if you will not assist us voluntarily ni!
Victory is mine
Victory is Mine #victory is mine #black knight #i win
Wait a minute
Wait a minute! supposing two swallows carried it together
Wait sir galahad!
Wait! please! I can defeat them! there's only 150 of them!
Walk away just ignore them
We all are we're all britons and I am your king
We are here today to witness the union of two young people in the joyful bond of holy wedlock
We are just not used to handsome knights
We are now no longer the knights who say ni we are now the knights who say ekke ekke ekke ptang zoo boing!
We are the keepers of the sacred words
We are the knights who say ni! ni!
We better not risk another frontal assault that rabbit's dynamite
We didn't!
We dine well here in camelot we eat ham and jam and spam a lot
We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impeccable
We don't have a lord
We don't need to do anything apart from just stop him entering the room
We found them
We have found a witch may we burn her
We have ridden the length and breadth of the land...
We have ridden the length of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at camelot
We have the holy hand grenade
We live on a bloody swamp we need all the land we can get
We must examine you
We shall attack at once
We shall do no such thing
We shall say ni again to you if you do not appease us
We shall use my largest scales
We take turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week
We take turns to act as sort of an executive officer for the week.
We thank thee lord that in thy
We want a shrubbery
We were so worried when the boys were writing it
We will find you a shrubbery
We'll Call It a Draw #black knight #arthur #its a draw #even
We'll cover your escape!
We're coming with you
We're eight score blondes and brunettes all between 16 and 19 and a half cut off in this castle with no one to protect us
We're knights of the round table our shows are formidable
We're Knights of the Round Table We dance when e're we're able
We're knights of the round table we dance whene'er we're able
We're opera mad in camelot we sing from the diaphragm a lot
We've got a witch burn her!
We've lost him
Weill you go and tell your master that arthur from the court of camelot is here
Welcome gentle sir knight
Welcome to the castle anthrax
Welcome to the Castle Anthrax.
Well
Well do us a favour
Well i
Well I am king
Well I can explain I was in the forest riding north from camelot when I got this note
Well I could stay a bit longer
Well I got a note
Well I really didn't mean to
Well i'll ask him but I don't think he'll be very keen
Well it's always the same I always
Well it's only because you don't brush my teeth
Well look I uh
Well no you see
Well now lancelot galahad and I wait until nightfall and then leap out of the rabbit taking the french by surprise
Well she turned me into a newt
Well taken concorde!
Well thank you very much
Well this is a temperate zone
Well um can we come up and have a look
Well we did do the nose and the hat but she is a witch
Well what are you then
Well what seems to be the trouble
Well what's that then
Well you have to know these things when you're a king you know
Well you see I thought your son was a lady
What
What (10)
What (11)
What (12)
What (2)
What (3)
What (4)
What (5)
What (6)
What (7)
What (8)
What (9)
What a give away did you hear that
What a strange person
What a swallow carrying a coconut
What also floats in water
What an eccentric performance!
What are you doing in england
What are you doing now
What are you going to do bleed on me
What behind the rabbit
What do I think
What do you mean
What do you mean (2)
What do you mean an african or european swallow
What do you want
What does it say
What does it say what language is that
What happens now
What happens now?
What I object to is that you automatically treat me like an inferior
What if you get a question wrong
What is
What is it
What is it you want
What is that
What is that (2)
What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow
What is the capital of assyria
What is this test knights who until recently said ni
What is your favourite colour
What is your favourite colour (2)
What is your name
What is your name (2)
What is your name (3)
What is your name (4)
What is your name (5)
What is your name handsome knight
What is your quest
What is your quest to seek the holy grail
What is your quest to seek the holy grail (2)
What is your quest to seek the holy grail (3)
What knight lives in that castle over there
What makes you think she is a witch
What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder
What ridden on a horse
What word
What's he do nibble your bum
When danger reared its ugly head he bravely turned his tail and fled
When I started here it was a swamp
When suddenly the animator suffered a fatal heart attack
When you have found the shrubbery, place it beside this shrubbery...
When's your next round
Where
Where are you going
Where are you going (2)
Where could we find this cave tim
Where did you get the coconuts
Where does he live
Where's that
Wherein carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock the last words of olfin bedwere of rheged
Who approacheth the bridge of death must answer me these questions three ere the other side he see
Who are the britons
Who are they
Who are you
Who are you (2)
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science? #in the ways of science #scientist #science
Who had nearly fought the dragon of angnor who had nearly stood up to the vicious chicken of bristol
Who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor...
Who leaps out
Who leaps out?
Who lives in that castle
Who sent you
Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three ere the other side he see
Who's going to answer the questions
Who's that then I don't know must be a king why he hasn't got shit all over him
Whoa there!
Whose castle is that
Whose castle is this
Why Do You Think I Have This Outrageous Accent? #french #taunting #accent
Why doesn't lancelot go
Why not
Wicked bad naughty evil zoot
Wicked bad naughty zoot!
Wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot!
Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at camelot
Winter changed into spring
Wood
Would it help to confuse it if we run away more
Would you like to come have a drink
Wouldn't get far in life not saying "is
Yapping on all the time
Yeah
Yeah.
Yes
Yes (2)
Yes (3)
Yes (4)
Yes (5)
Yes brave sir robin turned about and gallantly he chickened out
Yes get on with it!
Yes he'll beat us easily we haven't a chance
Yes I can help you find the holy grail
Yes I have
Yes I see
Yes I think so yes
Yes it's not a very good name is it
Yes let him handle us easily
Yes let him tackle us single handed!
Yes let me go my liege I will take him single handed
Yes lord
Yes make sure he doesn't leave
Yes my liege
Yes o zoot
Yes of course!
Yes that's right
Yes they're the ones i'm sure
Yes we are looking for the holy grail our quest is to find the holy grail yes it is
Yes yes a bit
Yes you must give us all a good spanking! a spanking!
Yes, I can help you find the Holy Grail
Yes, it is. Yeah.
Yes!
Yes! He'll beat us easily! We haven't a chance.
Yes. Give us all a good spanking.
You and all your silly English...
You are brave sir knight but the fight is mine
You are the keepers of the holy grail
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power 'cause some watery tart threw a sword at you
You cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey bottom biters!
You could say dennis
You didn't bother to find out didn't you
You don't frighten us english pig dogs!
You don't vote for kings
You even kicked the bride in the chest!
You fell out of the tall tower you creep!
You fight with the strength of many men sir knight
You got my note!
You got us all worked up
You have proved yourself worthy #you have proved yourself worthy #impressive #you proved yourself #you are worthy #monty python and the holy grail #monty python #join us #join me #come along
You have proved yourself worthy will you join me
You have suffered much you are delirious
You haven't given up your quest for the holy grail
You just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave the room.
You killed eight wedding guests and all!
You know it seemed a bit daft me having to guard him when he's a guard
You know much that is hidden tim
You know my name
You liar
You make me sad
You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.
You manky scots git!
You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring!
You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest..
You must return with a shrubbery or else you will never pass through this wood alive
You must see the doctors immediately
You must spank her and after you've spanked her deal with her as you like
You must tie her down on a bed and spank her
You only killed the bride's father!
You said the word again
You see when i'm in this idiom I sometimes get a bit carried away
You seek the holy grail
You seek the Holy Grail.
You shall not have been mortally wounded in vain!
You silly sod, you got us all worked up #you silly sod #got us all worked up #worried for no reason #monty python and the holy grail #monty python
You silly sod!
You silly sod!
You snore
You tiny brained wipers of other people's bottoms
You tit!
You Tit! #you tit #you twat #you idiot #monty python and the holy grail #monty python
You were in great peril
You were in terrible peril
You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality
You'll what
You're a knight of the round table
You're a loony
You're fooling yourself we're living in a dictatorship a self perpetuating autocracy in which the working class
You're lucky you're not next to him
You're marrying princess lucky so you'd better get used to the idea!
You're not allowed to enter the room
You're not fooling anyone you know
You're using coconuts!
You've come to rescue me
You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're banging them together
Your knights of the round table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries
Your Mother Was A Hamster, and Your Father Smelled of Elderberries #french #taunting #your mom #elderberries
Zoot!
And Bors. That's five. Three, sir.
And you'll come and get him. Right
Brother Maynard, you're our scholar. It's Aramaic.
Cherries. Mud. Churches.
He's come to rescue me, Father. Let's not jump to conclusions.
How does it... How does it work? I don't know, my Liege
I can't just call you "man." You could say "Dennis."
It is a silly place. Right.
King of who? The Britons.
Let's kill him anyway. Right
Midget. Crapper. Yes, O Zoot?
No, Sir Galahad. Come. I can handle this lot easily.
Please. Sorry, sorry
Right? We'll stay here until you get back
That's St. Ives. Oh, yes.
The curtains? Not the curtains, lad
The what? The Grail. It is here?
There he is! Oh, bloody hell.
We shall do no such thing. Please.
Well taken, Concord. Thank you, sir. Most kind
What are you doing now? Averting my eyes
What? A present
What? You got us all worked up!
Who sent you? The Knights Who Say "Ni
Yes? What is it? If... Oh.
You only killed the bride's father. I didn't mean to
'cause they're made of wood
'tis but a scratch
"A a a argh
"Ni," "Peng," and "Nee wom"!
"Old Woman?" "Man!" #peasants #old woman #man #sorry
"The castle of A a a argh
"The Tale of Sir Robin
(all gasping)
(all sobbing)
(all) no
(applause)
(arrow twanging)
(bird cawing)
(bored cheering)
(bored cheering) (2)
(castle door creaking)
(castle door slams)
(cow mooing)
(exclaiming)
(explosion)
(explosions)
(explosions) (2)
(explosions) (3)
(flame thrower roaring)
(glass shattering)
(grunting)
(hiccups)
(hoofbeats approaching)
(horn blaring)
(jeering)
(knights shouting clashing swords)
(knights shouting)
(laughing)
(man groaning)
(mechanical whirring)
(metal clan king)
(mumbling)
(old man cackling)
(police radio chattering)
(razzing)
(robin screaming)
(rocket launcher explosion)
(rumbling approaching)
(sawing)
(screaming)
(screaming) (2)
(shells whistling)
(shivering)
(sighs)
(squeaking)
(sword fighting)
(wind howling)
(women clamoring disappointingly)
(women giggling softly)

Viral
Funny